my life…in text format

Friday, February 22, 2008 : : : : 5 Bands /// 1 Night

Each band has its own, unique sound. It will definitely be a night never before seen @ safehouse and the first of many, many more to come.

Don’t miss it. Seriously. You won’t want to it. If you do want to miss it. Then you better have something amazing you are doing instead. And unless you are going to be playing in the Super Bowl or some other championship game, you should be here.

Contact info in the flyer. Let me know if you have any questions.

I saw a quote on an away message on my buddy list. It said, “If you’re lonely, it means you don’t want to be alone.”

I thought that was profound. I know people who don’t have a problem being by themselves. There are some days I feel like that myself. I just need to get away, relax, enjoy reflecting, reading, watching TV, whatever. Recently though, I’ve begun to look inside myself to find out what that word “lonely” means for me.

I was talking with a friend just recently and I mentioned that as a leader, it gets really lonely having to deal with everything and have everybody look at you as the one to know the answer or take the lead and stay the course. It’s difficult to do that. It’s a lonely road. That’s the nature of leadership. It comes with the territory.

It’s interesting because it forces you to look at every relationship you have. I’ve been faced with this in the previous weeks. My family is a family with a lot of responsibility. We work as leaders of a youth ministry that serves hundreds of teenagers each week. And not just once a week, but 6 days a week. And over the years of watching what God is doing, our family has grown so amazingly close, it’s almost too good to be true. Knowing what I know about the importance of family and seeing the effects of a broken family on the soul of a young person, I cannot take any credit for the way our family lives. It is by the grace of a much bigger God that we are able to function as a single, family unit.

Over the past few weeks, my love for the three other members of my family has grown exponentially and in turn my amazement and love for my God and Savior has grown as well. Every person in my family has made mistakes. Every person that makes up the Denen family has done things they would take back if given the chance. But, we’ve been together. We’ve made those mistakes knowing that. Together. Four. One. Family.

We all have our own situations that we deal with separately. I have things I have to go through a day and deal with that my Father and Sister don’t have to deal with and vice versa.

But we are there for each other. We are together.

I love that. Because I know that if we are broken and flawed and misunderstand each other at times but we are together, how much more can a perfect, flawless, understanding God deliver you when you rely on Him?

This hit me just two nights ago when I was sitting in my parents room talking with my dad and sister about some very important topics to each of us. We are living four separate lives, but we are living them together. When my dad left the room, my sister and I started talking about the similarities between her scenarios and my own scenarios and was astonished at the similarities of what, on the surface, seem to be completely opposite situations.

I love when God reveals things about His character through life…or something like it.

We are living life. Another quote I saw on an away message on my buddy list had this phrase at the end of it, this is a rough paraphrase, unfortunately, I can’t remember the whole thing exactly:

“There’s got to be more to life than just being alive.”

I couldn’t agree more.

This is a very unstructured post, I usually like to take more time to nail down the thoughts, but I thought it was necessary to get this out of my head and written down quickly, so I could chew on it myself.

If it doesn’t make sense…it’s my fault, not yours.

Do you have a family that, no matter what you go through, you go through together? If so, thank God for the grace that He has given you to be in that situation.

If you don’t, it’s certainly not because God has forgotten you or cares about somebody else more. For whatever reason, maybe…once again, because of the poor choices of other people you don’t have that togetherness…listen closely please…

My dad’s mom passed away of breast cancer when he was seven and he didn’t meet his father until he was eighteen and was raised by a grandmother riddled with bitterness due to a failed relationship. It was because of his aunt…who took him to church with her that he was able to find the grace and strength to survive.

And the things that my dad did NOT have when he was growing up are the very things that he worked so hard to provide for me and my family. The reason being he knows what it feels like to not have it. You see, because of the life he grew up with, he was able to really understand the importance of living…and not simply just being alive.

Don’t underestimate the power of a big God because somebody else’s situation is better than yours. Don’t sell God short. Because my dad is a great father, but he’s not perfect. God, on the other hand, is not a reflection of my earthly father…

He’s the perfection of my Father. He’s my Father, perfectly.

Here’s to not just being alive, but really living…

Before…

After…

I know!! Don’t leave comments asking me how it got that messy to begin with, I have no idea. You can leave comments about how night and day-ish it looks when it’s clean!

Don’t be jealous. For a small fee…I’ll help you clean your room.

Life is full of choices. Sometimes I try and sit back and count how many choices I make each morning before I leave my house. I think about the choice of whether to get a shower before I eat breakfast or after. The choice of breakfast food to eat. Some things are left to habit, like which side of your teeth to start brushing first, but even in that situation a choice is made to follow habit or break the mold. We make millions of choices and we don’t even realize it until the consequences of the choice, whether good or bad, smack us in the face.

Some choices we look back on and say, “I’m so glad that was the choice I made…what an amazing turn out. I can’t imagine not making that choice. Man, my life would be so much worse had I not made THAT choice!”

Other times, the response is not so positive. You may have said or heard things like, “Looking back, that was the turning point that led me to here and I wish I could go back.” or “I’ll never understand what I was thinking!”

Or maybe it’s not even YOUR fault, but somebody else’s choices negatively effected you. While playing with his transformers, little Jeff’s parents walk in, sit him down and explain to him they are no longer going to be living together. They try to explain that it’s not Jeff’s fault that they won’t be married anymore, but Jeff can’t help but wonder if he hadn’t asked for those wretched robots maybe things could be better. It’s not little Jeff’s fault, but his life is forever changed.

The point is that a choice holds more weight then we give it credit for. A choice has the power to change a life, break a life, make a life, take a life. A choice gives us the ability to be controlled or be in control. A choice, something that can be made in seconds, has the potential to change years of our lives and the lives of others.

I can look back to 8 years ago in my life and see choices that I made that are still effecting me today. 8 years ago when I made the choice, I assure you I was not thinking, “How will this effect my life 8 years down the road??” I was only worried about that moment. We’ve all made choices.

And since we’re not perfect….we’ve all made choices we would make differently if given the chance.

Sometimes, the choices we make…or the choices made by others create in us a desire to put up defenses against the way we are effected by the consequences of those choices. Everybody does it differently.

Karen always laughs, even when she’s not happy. Melanie is so organized it’s insane. Mark can’t stop joking, he never takes anything seriously. While Alex won’t let himself have any fun and falls deeper into depression. Hope makes herself bleed because she’s lost….hope.

Do you have a defense?

If you’re answer is an immediate “no!” I want to ask yourself again and really take a second to look inside yourself.

Have you made choices that you regret and made yourself a safe place in order to get away from everything?? The problem with getting away from everything is that you’re not around anything.

There’s a great song that comes from a band that is way deeper and more profound than their image portrays. Relient K is a band from right here in Ohio and they wrote  a song called I Am Understood? I love that title.

Because it asks a question.

Really? I’m understood. Someone understands me? Someone can look into my soul and see the real me and it actually makes sense??

I don’t even make sense to myself sometimes. But…really?? I’m understood? What a relief!

The song is like a letter, sung to God, where the singer exposes himself completely to a God that already sees everything. It’s a reminder that God is big.

As the song closes, the passion is contagious as the singer belts out in a series of repetitive cries,

“Your voice has broken my defense, let me embrace salvation!”

I want my defense to be broken. I want the walls that I put up because of my bad choices to be broken down.

When I make a bad choice, I take a step away from God and another brick is added to the wall that is slowly gaining momentum as it tries to separate me from my soul’s deepest craving. But when God speaks, the walls crumble.

The same voice that breathed the world into existence and the same breath that was exhaled to bring the first man his first breath is the same voice and breath that breaks down the walls of our defense.

The next step is to embrace it.

It’s a great question. Love. A great topic. Kinda scary. Very scary.

What is it about it that freaks us out? What is it about love that causes us to do crazy things to get it and run from those who want to give it?

I know people who love people, they see more in those they love than those people see in themselves. What is it about love that causes that? We see more in people than they see in themselves. We don’t see what they do, we see who they are. What they do, certainly effects us…because of love, but it doesn’t change the fact…..that we love them.

If this it how it works for flawed, broken, imperfect humans, can’t that point to something bigger? If we can experience this amazingly beautiful, painful, mysterious, awe-inspiring thing called love and feel that way for another human being, what does that mean when the Bible tells us God loves us?

God. Love. Truth.

The truth is that God loves us. He loves you.

There’s a saying that goes, “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” To experience real, true love and have someone love you back can be the greatest thing this side of heaven.

Don’t you want somebody to love?

Don’t you want somebody to love you?

If you have a heartbeat, the answer is yes. Even if you don’t think so. We are wired to desire it. Why? Because God IS love.

It is expressed through our relationships with other people. We love other people because God loved us first. Love is contagious.

Love is like a yawn.

Sometimes you don’t mind expressing it when it overwhelms you. Other times other people are doing it and it just kind of jumps on you. While still other times it can get annoying because of how you’re feeling. Love is one of those things that you can’t help but well….love. And that may be the reason some people run from it. Because, above everything else, love is risky. And to love something so risky is to open yourself up to uncertainty.

Which just another thing that makes is so wonderful.

Don’t you want somebody to love?

R I S K.

Love God. Love People.

As my fingers pound the keys on this keyboard, my speakers blare the band Paramore. Their previous album All We Know Is Falling is fantastic. If you’ve never heard them, you should check them out. Good band. I love good music. Something about it speaks into my life in a way that nothing else does.

Have you ever noticed this?

Sometimes an artist, a song, a style of music can literally express EXACTLY how you are feeling but you couldn’t have ever expressed it yourself. It’s like, when someone asks you how you are feeling, sometimes it almost better to let them listen to a song so that way they can FEEL the same way you feel and that’s the best explanation.

Why does this happen?

Why is music so powerful, what it is about the driving guitars, pounding bass lines, drum rhythms, and everything else that makes those little goosebumps rise on our flesh and make us want to turn up the volume in our cars until we cross the line into completely outrageous-looking as we pound our fists on the steering wheel?

When I drive and I hear a good song, it doesn’t matter if I’ve heard it before. I’m just gonna jam. How do you jam? Do you throw up a “rawkfist”? Do you contemplate each word and how it applies to your life? Do you pick out the melodies and harmonies and find the pacing of the rhythm? Do you separate each instrument and listen to what each musician is doing?

Do you have any CD’s that won’t play in your CD player anymore because you’ve simply worn them out?

What is it about music, exactly?

I think it’s more than just driving beats and amazing vocals. I think it’s just another fingerprint of God. You see, in the Bible, music was a key component to life. They even used it in their military as a way to keep the soldiers ready, in step and encouraged. It’s almost like it was something to keep them reminded of why they do what they do.

Music as a reminder.

Maybe music is so moving to us because it reveals something about our souls. That part inside that no ones sees and we really just don’t fully understand. Maybe when you start tapping your toes to that sweet beat, your really letting your soul express itself in a way it can’t do otherwise.

When you go to a foreign country and you don’t know the language, you need a translator to make your stay effective and fun. You need to know what’s going on. If you don’t have a translator, even if you know where you are in the world, you would be….lost.

Maybe music is a translator. The language of our souls is so complex and sometimes foreign that we need to translate it so we are not…lost.

You can learn a lot about a person by the music they listen to.

It’s an extension of yourself, an expression of the person’s soul. We can get closer to God through music. We can find out about ourselves through music. Since God created us, if we find out more about ourselves, don’t we find out more about God?

Music is beautiful. You are beautiful. God is beautiful. God created music. Just another fact that points to His absolute creativity and undeniable imagination.

Enjoy the music…

“Obsessive. Compulsive. Detective.”

That’s the tag line on the cover of the Monk season 4 DVD set sitting on my shelf. If you don’t follow Monk, it may be hard for you to understand why the show is so addicting. It’s about a former police officer that was discharged for having a mental breakdown after his wife’s untimely murder. The show follows Adrian Monk (played by actor Tony Shaloub) as he solves crime as a private consultant with obsessive compulsive disorder. His need for everything to be perfect is usually the very thing that helps him find what the police miss and ultimately solve the crime.

“You’ll thank me later” is a classic Monk line. He says it right as he is wasting your time straighting you pencils or clipping your roses so they are all even in the vase. He’s portrayed as a brilliant freak. A man with a problem…well, several problems. They paint a picture of a broken man in need of fixing.

The show is supposed to be humorous, the crimes committed in each episodes sway back and forth from cheesy and impossible to well thought out and prime time drama worthy. The dark foundation of the show (Monk’s wife’s murder) is dealt with in a light-hearted way that brings the viewer into an understanding of exactly why Monk acts and thinks the way he does.

It makes you wonder if he is the only one thinking correctly.

Which brings me to my point.

In the show, everyone is trying to help Monk get over his problems and deal with the tragedy he has endured, from the police captain to his nurse/assistant as well as his psychiatrist.

One thing randomly hit me driving down the road the other day. The police captain has problems of his, his assistant is constantly talking about a lack of funds and a marital/relationship problems and there are times when problems are expressed from within the psychiatrist’s own home.

Monk’s not the only person with the problem. I found that in a show, the character, fictional as he may be, can teach us a lot about life ourselves.

We are all broken. We are all dealing with stuff. We all have different motivations for what we do. Some people drown themselves in work so they don’t have to focus on everything else. They create drama so they don’t have time to look in the mirror because they know they won’t like what they see. We spend every spare moment with friends, where’s it busy and loud and fast because when it gets slow and quiet, we have to look inside ourselves and we may not like what we see.

In Monk, Adrian Monk is the one that has problems he is trying to get help for…everyone else is waiting for the answer to find them.

Monk, although afraid of everything, could very well be the bravest person in the show. Precisely because he is looking for help.

Back to reality, it’s just a show.

But it makes me think…do I try and drown myself in things to keep me occupied from look at…myself. Do I turn up the music so I can’t hear my own thoughts, or fill my calendar with busy fun things to do so I don’t have time to be by myself because I may or may not like what I feel when I am…alone.

We are created to need people and to be in relationships with God and with other people. But if you can’t find peace when you sit and look at yourself and you fill your time with “distractions” it might not be a bad idea to take a page out of ‘ol Adrian Monk’s book.

Face the fear.

Look in the mirror. The person looking back might not be as startling as you anticipate.

I called the Apple store after I realized my Final Cut Pro 4 editing software was NOT compatible with the new Leopard operating system on the new computer and explained to them that the sale’s associate told me it would, in fact, work.

So, graciously the manager gave me 10% off the price of the upgrade to the newest editing software. Still expensive, but thankfully she worked to help me out at least a little bit. Thank you Apple and Mrs. Apple store manager, you made my day.

Now, thanks to my amazing parents, and the nice Apple lady, I have a new computer and a new editing suite complete with 3D graphic animation.

Now…it’s really important that I learn how to do everything properly.

Here’s to creating original masterpieces!

That’s what I keep telling myself. It’s worth it, it’s worth it because you can accomplish a lot and it’s smooth and professional looking when it’s all said and done. Yep, that’s what I keep telling myself.

I just got a new computer and the editing system I used for digital video isn’t compatible with the new operating system. I was told it was compatible before I bought it….by the sales associate at the Apple store.

Final Cut Pro 4 is NOT compatible with the Leopard operating system. Again, I want to emphasize…I was told that it WAS compatible by the SALES ASSOCIATE at the Apple store.

Ah, I love Apple. I really do. I have to get an upgrade.

But it’s worth it.

I just know it, it’s worth it.

Ok…I think the problem has been solved.

It turns out that wordpress doesn’t fully support the safari web browser from the mac computers. Hmm….interesting.

When is the world going to realize that macs are simply the answer to computers!? I know, that’s a rhetorical question and there are lots of good things about PCs too, but still…can a apple get some love?

Anyway, I will be using Firefox for all of my wordpress blogs now. Safari for everything else. Unless I find something else Safari doesn’t support…or something that doesn’t support Safari (which is crazy!)

Anyway…one of my goals/resolutions/desires for the big Two Zero Zero Eight is to write more. I want to get thoughts out there for people to read, comment, critique, agree or disagree with. All that good stuff.

I love to write. So…I’m going to write. Enjoy, check back often.

Happy 2008!