my life…in text format

On this beautiful Monday evening, beneath the rhythms of the song playing through my iTunes playlist, I can faintly hear the quiet sounds of night as it envelopes what was a fantastic day. My room is a mess, it could really use a good cleaning, but instead, I am here on the computer, chatting with some people, listening to music and breezing through amazon.com.

As I was looking, I was thinking, “I should buy some of these books because they will help me be better at my job.” For those of you new to this blog or who may not know me, I’m a pastor. I work everyday with the sole purpose of leading people into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ. That is my job, that is my life, it is my mission. I work in an organization that reaches out to a young generation of teenagers in desperate need of hope and someone to trust them and point them to a Creator that not only knows them, exactly where they are, but loves them without a single prerequisite on our part.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had these moments where something “clicks” in you. Like something you’ve always known you’ve known, but you don’t keep in the front of your mind. Today, after our Memorial Day cookout and dessert, my sister and I heard some music plink-plunking down the street. We both immediately knew what it was, it was an ice cream truck driving around our area. We ran inside, got some cash and ran back outside to get ourselves some good ‘ol fashion ice cream treats from a truck. I remember the feeling when I was kid, looking up at what them seemed to be a massive wall of selections. All of which would make my tastebuds dance. I chose the blue-raspberry screwball today. (You know, every one has a gumball at the bottom). Somehow when something clicks, it’s like that feeling you get when you experience something you haven’t experienced in a while. It’s something old, revealed in a new way.

I had a moment like that this evening.

As I was looking at all these titles of books that I was thinking I should read that would help make me better at my job, I got this feeling. Like my Spirit was being talked to, deep in my soul.

I was being asked this question. “Why would you need those books to do your job better? Why don’t you just love people more?”

That’s pretty much how it happened too, not a lot of pomp and circumstance, not some huge “AHA!” or light shining down through my ceiling. It was pretty simple, really. “Why don’t you just love people more?”

I immediately felt like I was almost wasting my time looking at books that had to do with business tips and biographies about successful business men. How would these help me love people?

I know how to love people.

How well am I doing when it comes to loving people?

I need to do better at loving people.

One thing I absolutely need to do is see myself the way my Creator sees me, because He loves me more than I love me. And if I can see how He loves me, then I will see how I can love OTHERS better.

I’m a flawed human being. By flawed, I mean…I mess up a lot. I sin. I screw up. I fail.

Flat.

On.

My.

Face.

—–

Thank.

God.

For.

Grace.

And if a God can love me through all of my screw ups, sins, doubts, fears, failures, short comings, stupid choices and awful consequences, I really have a great example of what it means to love others.

How well do you love people? How are people loving you?

How are you doing at letting other people love you?

The Bible says that God is love.

Period. What else needs said?

I am a talker. If you know me at all, you know that I like to talk a lot. I also love to listen to people. To me, the most important part of communication is the part where my mouth stays closed and my ears stay open. As the saying goes, we have two ears and one mouth, we should do twice as much listening as we do talking.

This is interesting to me because I usually do more talking when I am praying. I try and pray so hard and so well that God will have to hear my prayer. At times I think God simply must be in Heaven calling on the Angels over saying, “HEY! Everybody be quiet and listen as my child prays. Listen to his brilliance as he eloquently seeks my forgiveness and asks desperately for passion. I MUST answer this prayer because I am floored by its brilliance!”

Yeah right.

I have recently been put through a learning process that I am basing God’s ability to answer my prayer on how well I pray. That sound ridiculous doesn’t it? Think about it.

I am trying to earn God’s favor by praying well. I am more worried about clearing dictating every word so that God can clearly hear what I’m saying than I am about the condition of my heart as I seek my Creator’s face.

I am praying…to prayer. I am not praying to God. I am praying to the thing that I use to communicate to God, hoping that I can reach God through powerful words.

Jesus calls people to come to Himself and get their drink from Him. Jesus tells us that what we need is found in HIM. Not in our words, not in our ability to say profound things. Jesus wants to do something in our hearts. He wants to break through the walls we’ve built up and tear down the words we’ve surrounded ourselves with and speak in our lives.

Are you listening?

How much time do you spend being quiet when you are praying?

Do you spend more time talking or more time listening?

I am a broken, sad, sinful human being struggling with bad habits and sinful nature. I have things in my life that I can clearly see are ripping me away from God and I desperately want to rid myself of it. I am slowly realizing that if I go to Christ, instead of attempting to convince God through elaborate prayers, I will get exactly what it is I need and be able to rid myself of exactly what it is that is destroying me.

I think it’s interesting that Jesus Christ is the One person we are so afraid to run to when we have in our lives and yet He is the Only Person we can run to in order to rid ourselves of it.

Maybe God is trying to say something to you. Are you listening?

Turn down the “you” volume and turn up the “God” volume.

We are but dust and earth, yet we get our life from the very breath of God. When we breathe, we are breathing God. When we speak we are exhaling the very being of our Creator.

When He breathes, life forms. When we breathe we speak a testimony of praise to God’s awesomeness.

Keep breathing. Keep listening. Stop talking.

Start…

By no means am I a perfect person. As a matter of fact, I tell people all the time that I can’t believe I’ve been privileged to do some of the things I have the amazing opportunity to do because I am such a flawed human being. Saying you are flawed though has kind of become a cliche in some ways. It’s a pseudo-humility so people will think you are humble when in reality you are quite proud that you are so flawed, because it makes you seem so human.

That being said, I won’t belabor the fact that we are all flawed. You know it. I know it. Which is the beauty of this post.

Recently, I was talking with a friend and she was describing a trip she was getting ready to go on. A six day vacation to see some friends and I am excited for her and wanted to hear more about it. So I asked, “What are you expecting from this trip?”

That’s an important question, I think. “What are you expecting?” We’ll come back to that later.

To be honest, I was expecting to hear a long silence as she contemplated what I thought was a difficult question but she answered almost immediately with a series of things she was expecting to happen while on this trip. As she was laying out the things she wanted to happen and what she wanted to get she said these words, “Hopefully something happens spiritually.” Those words struck me. Not because she wanted something to happen spiritually, which I think is great, I hope something happens spiritually for her too. The word that struck me in that sentence was the word “hopefully.”

I think I can honestly say that one of my least favorite combinations of words in the English language are the words that form the phrase, “All Hope Is Lost.” I don’t think there is a more tragic statement a human being can utter than when they say they’ve lost all hope. It’s interesting to me because the word LOST can mean a lot of things.

When you hear the word lost, there are several different things that come to mind. Pastors talk about “lost souls” all the time, some people immediately start thinking about ABC’s hit TV show, still others hear the word and they think it’s an exact description of what they feel about themselves. But when it’s attached to the word “hope” what is really being said?

It’s certainly possible to misplace your hope. To put your hope in the wrong things and to expect one thing to give you something else entirely. That’s why people empty bottle after bottle of alcohol or jump from meaningless relationship to another. But I don’t think misplacing hope is what is really being said when the word “lost” is attached to the word “hope.” I can misplace my keys, forget about them and lose them. Searching around my house frantically trying to find what I had lost while they are sitting right where I left them. I had just misplaced them. Misplaced hope is still hope. So when we say “all hope is lost” it’s even more tragic then putting that hope in the wrong thing.

Lost hope is the thing that drives the girl to sit in her room alone, with the shades drawn and the music loud as she drags a blade across her skin in order to relieve herself of the pain that hope in the wrong thing had created. Lost hope is when a young man experiences abandonment from his father at a young age and slowly but surely sinks deep into himself, never being able to become the man that God intended Him to be. Quietly, subtly, he lives the life of a dissatisfied shell of his former self because hope was lost long ago.

What are we risking when we say, “I’ve lost hope.”?

Have you ever felt that all hope was lost?

I don’t like the phrase “All Hope Is Lost” because while hope certainly can be misplaced, it is something that belongs to people and it is one of those things that is difficult to take, but is given away by the owner. Hope can be battered and bruised and abused, absolutely. Hope can allow us to put ourselves in situations that will undoubtedly hurt is in the future. But we enter them anyway, in hope that what we are afraid will happen….won’t happen.

If you are a hopeful person, you’ve probably been hurt. Because hope is the thing that kind of drives us beyond risk.

“I hope he won’t hurt me.”

“I hope it’s worth it.”

“I hope I don’t fail at this.”

Those are statements with huge risk attached but hope is what gives us justification to run into them anyway. It makes it seem possible. Hope.

Call me an optimist but I don’t think hope is taken from people. I think hope is given away. I think the nature of hope gives the holder of said hope the power to believe or to give up.

One of my favorite movies, Catch Me If You Can, has a story that recurs throughout the movie about two mice that felt into a bucket of cream. One mouse quickly gave up a drowned, the other mouse swam and swam so hard and so long that it eventually churned that cream into butter and crawled out. One mouse lost hope, the other mouse refused to give up or lose hope and kept fighting even though all logic pointed to the fact that it was going to die. It believed there was a different way and it struggled and fought until it had enough leverage to crawl out of it’s mess.

I love the word hope because even though we are all flawed, we can choose to hope beyond hope. We can choose to believe that something great will happen spiritually as we take a vacation away from the ordinary.

I want to sit here and type the words, “When all hope is lost, we can still hope” because that’s how powerful hope is. Of course, that doesn’t make sense grammatically but hope is kind of an anti-logic. That’s what makes it so beautiful.

If it weren’t for Jesus Christ, I would be condemned to separation from my Creator forever. But since Jesus Christ came to earth, died a death I deserved to die and was raised from the dead, I can HOPE in Jesus. I can hope that my life is bigger than the breaths I breathe each day and I am meant for more than just a short stint on this ball of dirt. I can hope.

The Bible says that it is impossible to please God without faith. It also says that faith is the substance of things we hope for and evidence, the truth, the things that point to the things we can’t see. Without hope, you can’t have faith.

Hope is one of the ingredients of faith.

I love that. Because I can choose to hope beyond hope or I can choose to stop swimming and drown.

Don’t forget that hope isn’t something stolen from you, it’s something you give away. Don’t give your hope away.

Faith. Hope. Love.

What are you expecting?

::

So, I’m sitting in my dad’s comfy recliner, watching a movie. It’s almost midnight and I’ve spent the last 40 minutes our so typing on my sister’s new computer. She recently purchased a Macbook Air and it is SLICK! Around this time of year, my family gets crazy busy. The sis is gearing up for final exams and papers and all that jazz, my folks are working their normal schedule plus working hard to get Safehouse Summer camp all worked out. It’s all very exciting!

Spring is officially here, the Indians are playing baseball again, the Cavs have clinched a playoff spot and I saw a commercial yesterday for official NFL draft hats. I love Spring time because the jackets come up, the sleeves get shorter, the light stays in the sky longer and the feeling in your heart starts to reflect the weather.

Weird how that happens, isn’t it? When I look outside and I see green, I see color, I feel warmth I feel…more alive. What it is about Spring time that does that to us? I was talking to a parent of a friend of mine just a couple of weeks ago and she was talking about how her mood is effected by the weather. When it is grey, she is grey. When it is cold and rainy, she feels down. I never thought that was something I had to worry about, until I saw the green, and the sunshine and the blue sky and I felt happier.

It’s strange that I didn’t realize the bad weather was effecting me until I saw how the good weather effected me in the opposite way.

Of course, I think this really has a lot to do with our souls. I think we all go through times of “winter” seasons in our lives, when the clouds cover the sun and the rain falls. We feel…cold and dark. But then, just as it always gets darker right before the sun starts to break over the horizon, we can hope that Spring will come.

When Spring comes, the flowers have reason to begin their push to color the world again. The sun starts to call out the leaves from their hiding places somewhere deep within the trees and the grass wins out over the snow, mud and slush from a cold, hard winter. Where is it that the flowers come from? When they begin their journey upward, they have to start somewhere and I love how God made it so they start from such a place as: the dirt. What was just weeks before cold, hard and frozen is now the place that gives birth to beauty and life.

Whenever I think about flowers breaking through the dirt, I get encouraged about my own dirt. The things that try to bury me. I feel refreshed and thrilled that even if there is dirt, I can break though. Reach out towards the Son of God and be pulled from the dirt and create a beautiful example of God’s amazing grace.

As this Spring gears into full swing, think about the stuff that the Son wants to pull you from. Be encouraged that this is a time for new life to be reborn. And that’s true for you as well.

Love. 

There are always moments in my life where I am given a glimpse of what God might see when He looks down at me. Here on this little ball of dirt we humans call Earth, in the midst of a solar system housed in a galaxy that we will probably never fully understand, we live our lives and go through our days and never really stop to consider what God might see when He looks at us.

I am a very visual person, if I see it I can comprehend it better. I can understand something that is shown to me much more quickly than if it were explained. Just two nights ago, I was sitting in a living room with two wonderful friends of mine just chatting, laughing, talking, about nothing and everything at the same.

You ever that experience? Where you aren’t working, you aren’t trying to do anything really, just engaging in the company of another human being. Laughing, living. Doing life…together. It’s a beautiful thing.

At one point, a guitar was brought out and my friend starting playing a song she had written. I’ve heard the song several times before on a recording and when she started to play it there in the kitchen, somehow it was new. I was sitting there, having just finished my microwavable buffalo hot wings (which, by the way, are actually way more delicious than I anticipated) and she started playing and singing this song that she had written and it was like the first time I had heard the song. That may sound cheesy and a little dramatic, but as I’ve written in previous posts, there is something about music that speaks a language no other art form can speak. So I have no problem saying that when she started singing, I was blown away.

Later on that same night, she still had the guitar, and the conversation between myself and the other person in the room had faded into a steady, quite comfortable silence. I think it was comfortable because as our voices faded, the sounds of guitar strings being picked took precedence over all other sound in the room. We both looked at our guitar playing friend and I noticed something small yet exciting. Her eyes were closed.

Which could mean one of two things…she was either too exhausted to keep them open, or she was so engaged in the music that she closed her eyes to engage even further. It could’ve been that plus exhaustion, but either way…the point is the two of us in the room stopped and looked at her and listened.

What do you think God does when you say His name?

What do you think happens when you whisper a cry out to God when you’re in need?

Or a word of thanks or worship when you are reminded of His character?

What do you think happens when you even attempt to communicate with God?

I think it’s a lot like what happened just two nights ago sitting in a living room.

He notices. He listens. He looks.

He is proud.

There are a lot of things I’ve done in the past that, if given the chance, I would not do again. Because it was so wrong, so sinful, so selfish that I don’t even like to think about it. But when I think about what happens when I cry out to God and when I seek after God….

I can’t help but close my eyes and concentrate on HIS music. The story of my soul.

Over the past month or so, I’ve met some absolutely amazing people and have made some lifelong friends in the process and I can’t help but think that this is just a glimpse of God. Just another thing that He’s allowed me to experience to point ultimately to His unfailing love and amazing sacrifice on my behalf.

It’s Easter time. We celebrate the risen Lord Jesus Christ.

Celebrate loud.

Celebrate well.

Celebrate with friends.

Shake the walls of hell with your celebration.

Today is one of those days when I woke up, I rolled over, and was so happy to be alive. I know that’s a little cheesy sounding. But it’s true nonetheless. I have a stack of books in my room and in that stack of books is a book by John Maxwell called Today Matters. In it, John (I like to think we’re on a first name basis) talks about how we over-exaggerate yesterday, calling it “the good ‘ol days” and we over-estimate tomorrow, thinking that something will happen later to take us where we want to go, and that we under-estimate today, not realizing the potential we have at this very moment to do something great.

It’s a great read, very practical, easily one of those change your life without even realizing it kind of books.

I don’t want to waste today. I’m so happy to be alive. God is so amazing in my life. I’ve had the distinct and amazing privilege of meeting some truly wonderful people over the last few weeks and I’ve had the opportunity to begin sharing my life with them, telling stories, laughing, experiencing life and one thing keeps coming back to my mind.

God has truly given me a great life.

I certainly don’t deserve it and I want nothing more than to honor Him and thank Him every minute of everyday by living this life today, for Him.

We’ve all heard this before, it’s a very “Christian” thing to say. But to be honest, I’m saying it as true as I can.

This life is not my own. If I were to paint a picture of my life as laid out by MY plans, the painting would be horrific compared to the masterpiece that is God’s brush strokes on the canvas of my life.

Enjoy your day today, everybody. Really.

I know I will.

Every now and then, I’ll walk downstairs and my dad will be watching one of those shows on the Discovery or Learning Channel about how those crazy tall skyscrapers are built. The process, the technology, the equipment…it’s all very fascinating. One thing you don’t see a lot of on those shows, in the midst of the monstrous cranes and beans heavy enough to crush a man like a rotten tomato, if you notice, they don’t spend a lot of time on the foundation and how it’s built.

Why not? The foundation is one of THE most crucial components of the entire building. A faulty foundation, even off by inches will create thousands of dollars worth of setbacks and potentially risk the lives of thousands of people.

So why not talk about it? If I’m a person who works or resides in that building, I want to know that the foundation is solid. Sure, I would love the unique design and great view of a fancy skyscraper, but if it’s sitting on a faulty foundation, I’d rather live in a two story, crappy-view-of-the-building-right-next-door apartment that has a good foundation.

We need to remember the foundation. It’s what everything else is based on. Literally. I constantly need to be reminded about trusting in Christ as my Savior.

Why? I’m a Christian. I’ve prayed the prayer. I’m a pastor. I know the verses.

But

I

still

make

mistakes.

I still sin. I know I do, and there are times when I really think it would be a good idea to just bang my head against a wall because of it. I need to be reminded of my foundation.

Jesus Christ is my salvation. I need to remember that my foundation is not my knowledge of scripture, my ability to communicate the Word of God or even a series of good deeds. My foundation is not how long I read scripture each day or how much I pray.

My foundation is the most important thing to the house Christ is building.

Christ died for me.

Christ died because I screwed up.

Because

I

sin.

Christ died.

Then…completed the process by raising again from the dead.

If nothing else good ever happens in my life again, I still owe God everything I have had or will ever have because of that one act of selfless love.

When we pray and we say “In Jesus’ Name” at the end of our prayers, what we are really saying is that because of Jesus’ death and because of Christ’s sacrifice, the sin that separates us from God and the sin that makes it so we cannot be in the presence of God is paid for, atoned, and we are justified through Christ. In the Name of Jesus we pray because in any other way, by any other name we wouldn’t be able to come before God.

It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive.

Just remember the foundation. Your house is built on one and unless you are a contractor or construction worker, I bet you rarely ever think about your foundation. Not because we don’t care or because we’re bad people, but because it’s always been there.

It will always be there.

If you’re a Christian, you may or may not know how easy it is to forget the foundation of our faith.

Jesus Christ.

If you’re not a Christian, maybe you were burned by somebody who did, in fact, forget the foundation and did something outside the character of Christ.

I am being reminded of my desperate need for Christ and His blood atoning my sins. It’s a humbling and freeing realization and I pray you experience it too.

Because to remember your foundation is to be reminded of our need of a foundation. And when you remember you need a foundation, realize you have a foundation…a solid one, a sure one, you are freed to build a skyscraper and know that it will withstand the harshest of storms.

Believe that the price has been paid. Believe that God’s anger at our sin has been pacified by Christ’s death. Believe that the foundation has been laid and you are free to…

Build.

Remember.

Look up.

Believe.

This little girl sang for the first time in front of people with her dad in front a small coffehouse full of people. It was a wonderful time. A nice reflection of a daughter and father sharing a gift.

Sometimes I wonder if God looks at me the same way. Like, when I get down on my knees or I close my eyes to pray and as I get ready to speak, He leans over the edge of Heaven so He can really pay attention to exactly what you are saying. Not so much what’s coming out of your mouth as what’s coming out of your heart.

Recently, I’ve been evaluating my prayers to God and I’ve realized that I am trying to “pray right.” I am trying to say things that I think God would be happy to hear. I am trying to say things that will get me to a desired outcome instead of crying out, speaking, asking, singing or simply standing in His presence. This little girl didn’t move once she got behind the mic…she had a small voice, audible only because of the piece of technology standing inches from her mouth.

I don’t want to just say prayers to God. I want to communicate. I want to engage, I want a relationship. I don’t want a monologue, I want to dialogue with God. Where I take, He not only hears, but listens and where He talks and I not only listen and hear, but am transformed by His words.

Speak up. You don’t need a mic when talking to God. He’s closer than you think.

I saw a quote on an away message on my buddy list. It said, “If you’re lonely, it means you don’t want to be alone.”

I thought that was profound. I know people who don’t have a problem being by themselves. There are some days I feel like that myself. I just need to get away, relax, enjoy reflecting, reading, watching TV, whatever. Recently though, I’ve begun to look inside myself to find out what that word “lonely” means for me.

I was talking with a friend just recently and I mentioned that as a leader, it gets really lonely having to deal with everything and have everybody look at you as the one to know the answer or take the lead and stay the course. It’s difficult to do that. It’s a lonely road. That’s the nature of leadership. It comes with the territory.

It’s interesting because it forces you to look at every relationship you have. I’ve been faced with this in the previous weeks. My family is a family with a lot of responsibility. We work as leaders of a youth ministry that serves hundreds of teenagers each week. And not just once a week, but 6 days a week. And over the years of watching what God is doing, our family has grown so amazingly close, it’s almost too good to be true. Knowing what I know about the importance of family and seeing the effects of a broken family on the soul of a young person, I cannot take any credit for the way our family lives. It is by the grace of a much bigger God that we are able to function as a single, family unit.

Over the past few weeks, my love for the three other members of my family has grown exponentially and in turn my amazement and love for my God and Savior has grown as well. Every person in my family has made mistakes. Every person that makes up the Denen family has done things they would take back if given the chance. But, we’ve been together. We’ve made those mistakes knowing that. Together. Four. One. Family.

We all have our own situations that we deal with separately. I have things I have to go through a day and deal with that my Father and Sister don’t have to deal with and vice versa.

But we are there for each other. We are together.

I love that. Because I know that if we are broken and flawed and misunderstand each other at times but we are together, how much more can a perfect, flawless, understanding God deliver you when you rely on Him?

This hit me just two nights ago when I was sitting in my parents room talking with my dad and sister about some very important topics to each of us. We are living four separate lives, but we are living them together. When my dad left the room, my sister and I started talking about the similarities between her scenarios and my own scenarios and was astonished at the similarities of what, on the surface, seem to be completely opposite situations.

I love when God reveals things about His character through life…or something like it.

We are living life. Another quote I saw on an away message on my buddy list had this phrase at the end of it, this is a rough paraphrase, unfortunately, I can’t remember the whole thing exactly:

“There’s got to be more to life than just being alive.”

I couldn’t agree more.

This is a very unstructured post, I usually like to take more time to nail down the thoughts, but I thought it was necessary to get this out of my head and written down quickly, so I could chew on it myself.

If it doesn’t make sense…it’s my fault, not yours.

Do you have a family that, no matter what you go through, you go through together? If so, thank God for the grace that He has given you to be in that situation.

If you don’t, it’s certainly not because God has forgotten you or cares about somebody else more. For whatever reason, maybe…once again, because of the poor choices of other people you don’t have that togetherness…listen closely please…

My dad’s mom passed away of breast cancer when he was seven and he didn’t meet his father until he was eighteen and was raised by a grandmother riddled with bitterness due to a failed relationship. It was because of his aunt…who took him to church with her that he was able to find the grace and strength to survive.

And the things that my dad did NOT have when he was growing up are the very things that he worked so hard to provide for me and my family. The reason being he knows what it feels like to not have it. You see, because of the life he grew up with, he was able to really understand the importance of living…and not simply just being alive.

Don’t underestimate the power of a big God because somebody else’s situation is better than yours. Don’t sell God short. Because my dad is a great father, but he’s not perfect. God, on the other hand, is not a reflection of my earthly father…

He’s the perfection of my Father. He’s my Father, perfectly.

Here’s to not just being alive, but really living…

Life is full of choices. Sometimes I try and sit back and count how many choices I make each morning before I leave my house. I think about the choice of whether to get a shower before I eat breakfast or after. The choice of breakfast food to eat. Some things are left to habit, like which side of your teeth to start brushing first, but even in that situation a choice is made to follow habit or break the mold. We make millions of choices and we don’t even realize it until the consequences of the choice, whether good or bad, smack us in the face.

Some choices we look back on and say, “I’m so glad that was the choice I made…what an amazing turn out. I can’t imagine not making that choice. Man, my life would be so much worse had I not made THAT choice!”

Other times, the response is not so positive. You may have said or heard things like, “Looking back, that was the turning point that led me to here and I wish I could go back.” or “I’ll never understand what I was thinking!”

Or maybe it’s not even YOUR fault, but somebody else’s choices negatively effected you. While playing with his transformers, little Jeff’s parents walk in, sit him down and explain to him they are no longer going to be living together. They try to explain that it’s not Jeff’s fault that they won’t be married anymore, but Jeff can’t help but wonder if he hadn’t asked for those wretched robots maybe things could be better. It’s not little Jeff’s fault, but his life is forever changed.

The point is that a choice holds more weight then we give it credit for. A choice has the power to change a life, break a life, make a life, take a life. A choice gives us the ability to be controlled or be in control. A choice, something that can be made in seconds, has the potential to change years of our lives and the lives of others.

I can look back to 8 years ago in my life and see choices that I made that are still effecting me today. 8 years ago when I made the choice, I assure you I was not thinking, “How will this effect my life 8 years down the road??” I was only worried about that moment. We’ve all made choices.

And since we’re not perfect….we’ve all made choices we would make differently if given the chance.

Sometimes, the choices we make…or the choices made by others create in us a desire to put up defenses against the way we are effected by the consequences of those choices. Everybody does it differently.

Karen always laughs, even when she’s not happy. Melanie is so organized it’s insane. Mark can’t stop joking, he never takes anything seriously. While Alex won’t let himself have any fun and falls deeper into depression. Hope makes herself bleed because she’s lost….hope.

Do you have a defense?

If you’re answer is an immediate “no!” I want to ask yourself again and really take a second to look inside yourself.

Have you made choices that you regret and made yourself a safe place in order to get away from everything?? The problem with getting away from everything is that you’re not around anything.

There’s a great song that comes from a band that is way deeper and more profound than their image portrays. Relient K is a band from right here in Ohio and they wrote  a song called I Am Understood? I love that title.

Because it asks a question.

Really? I’m understood. Someone understands me? Someone can look into my soul and see the real me and it actually makes sense??

I don’t even make sense to myself sometimes. But…really?? I’m understood? What a relief!

The song is like a letter, sung to God, where the singer exposes himself completely to a God that already sees everything. It’s a reminder that God is big.

As the song closes, the passion is contagious as the singer belts out in a series of repetitive cries,

“Your voice has broken my defense, let me embrace salvation!”

I want my defense to be broken. I want the walls that I put up because of my bad choices to be broken down.

When I make a bad choice, I take a step away from God and another brick is added to the wall that is slowly gaining momentum as it tries to separate me from my soul’s deepest craving. But when God speaks, the walls crumble.

The same voice that breathed the world into existence and the same breath that was exhaled to bring the first man his first breath is the same voice and breath that breaks down the walls of our defense.

The next step is to embrace it.